Tonight I was able to take a wonderful stroll down the road to the Handy Andy (aka gas station/convenience store) with my visiting mom and sister, as well as my awesome housemate Megan. It was so good to a) walk outside and not be freezing and b) share some laughs with my sister and mom.
I have to admit, it's kind of like having two worlds clash with them here. No one from my 'other life' has as yet been to visit me in Indiana. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. Or them. That said, they've only been here since yesterday, so I think I have some time to adjust.
In other news, I've nearly proposed my thesis. I submitted it to my supervisor last weekend, and have received two of three thumbs up! I should be able to submit to IRB this week, and start some serious work the following! I can't believe it's actually happened. Whew.
I feel like this will be a somewhat rambling post, so my apologies. I sat down and felt all artistic and wanted to write a great post, but then....well, I keep getting distracted. :)
So I suppose my ramble will just continue. In about five weeks I am once again packing up my life, putting it in a storage unit, and becoming a nomad for approximately two months. I thought that this time around, I would finally be able to leave my things unpacked and in order. That I would be able to come home, or stay home, and not have my whole life packed into boxes only to be unpacked again. I am beyond excited to get married this summer, but I wish there was some way to avoid all the hassle of moving in the interim. I just can't come up with anything. So, pack it up I will. Again.
Hmm...I suppose that's all for tonight. Just wanted to give a little update. My life is pretty low key. Finishing off the semester. Enjoying the EPIC thunderstorms of this state. Getting married soon. The end.
Nat
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Onward with the thesis.
Sorry for taking soo long to write, yet again. At this rate, I'm never going to get a consistent following. *sigh* Anyway, I promised an update regarding my thesis, so here it is!
I spent most of spring break and the majority of my waking hours last week preparing my thesis for proposal. At this point, this mostly meant formatting the whole thing, and writing my methodology (chapter 3). They tell you the methodology is super easy, I mean, it's only 3 pages. But I think this has been the hardest part of the project for me to date. This is mostly because I'm a little ahead of the curve, so a lot of the stats lingo (multiple regressions? convenience sample? ANOVA?) is way out of my league. However, I was finally able to meet with my methodologist, which was super helpful. He explained everything in a way that made total sense, and even reawakened my slumbering inner chemist (that's right. I have an inner chemist).
All this to say: I have proposed. Woohooo! I have yet to hear if my supervisor has approved it/sent it on to my committee, or if my committee approves, but it's a serious step in the right direction! I am way ahead of the game here, which is wonderful. Now it's just a waiting game, then I'll submit to the Institutional Review Board, to make sure I'm not harming people with my research and such.
So, to fill you all in on my research a bit. There's a big debate right now about this idea of the 'co-curriculum' or the 'intercurriculum' or whatever you choose to call it. Essentially, a lot of the literature says that "Man, things students do outside of class are super conducive to their learning overall." I wanted to do some quantitative research that is not self-report, that would give credibility to this statement. By being quantitative and not self-report, I'm able to avoid the whole "well, I think I learned a lot through these things" and actually look at the data for a statistical correlation. Do these things actually relate? I'm hopeful they do, but we'll see. :)
That's where I'm at. Just waitin' for my dearie, and happy am I...I mean, my approval. (Bonus points if you caught that reference...).
Thanks for tuning in. Life is good. Ready to be a monster with this last semester, and come home to finally get hitched!
Nat
I spent most of spring break and the majority of my waking hours last week preparing my thesis for proposal. At this point, this mostly meant formatting the whole thing, and writing my methodology (chapter 3). They tell you the methodology is super easy, I mean, it's only 3 pages. But I think this has been the hardest part of the project for me to date. This is mostly because I'm a little ahead of the curve, so a lot of the stats lingo (multiple regressions? convenience sample? ANOVA?) is way out of my league. However, I was finally able to meet with my methodologist, which was super helpful. He explained everything in a way that made total sense, and even reawakened my slumbering inner chemist (that's right. I have an inner chemist).
All this to say: I have proposed. Woohooo! I have yet to hear if my supervisor has approved it/sent it on to my committee, or if my committee approves, but it's a serious step in the right direction! I am way ahead of the game here, which is wonderful. Now it's just a waiting game, then I'll submit to the Institutional Review Board, to make sure I'm not harming people with my research and such.
So, to fill you all in on my research a bit. There's a big debate right now about this idea of the 'co-curriculum' or the 'intercurriculum' or whatever you choose to call it. Essentially, a lot of the literature says that "Man, things students do outside of class are super conducive to their learning overall." I wanted to do some quantitative research that is not self-report, that would give credibility to this statement. By being quantitative and not self-report, I'm able to avoid the whole "well, I think I learned a lot through these things" and actually look at the data for a statistical correlation. Do these things actually relate? I'm hopeful they do, but we'll see. :)
That's where I'm at. Just waitin' for my dearie, and happy am I...I mean, my approval. (Bonus points if you caught that reference...).
Thanks for tuning in. Life is good. Ready to be a monster with this last semester, and come home to finally get hitched!
Nat
Saturday, March 9, 2013
...waiting for something to say
Whew. It has been awhile since I've cracked open this blog. To those of you who care, my apologies. It's been a...rough few weeks. Lots of emotional angst and sickness and pretending to be productive. But, I'm back. I went to bed at 9 last night...a Friday night...that must be why I'm actually up and productively doing things this morning.
There are so many things I could say, since so much has happened, but then it starts feeling overwhelming, and this blog really isn't a catalog of my activities. Right now, I am torn between two lives it feels. On the one hand, I'm an awesome grad student. I am studying things I love, in depth. I get to meet super cool and important people. I get to do legitimate research of my own. I'm living in a great house with awesome people. So, great graduate life.
On the other hand, I am getting married. I get to commit myself to spend the rest of my life with my absolute best friend. I also have to plan our wedding, and think about our living situation, and figure out what it means to be husband and wife.
This was so much easier last semester.
As much as I loved spending two months at home, it almost emphasized how I have two different lives going right now, and it can be really challenging. I didn't realize until I got back to good old Indiana just how stressful - emotionally - this would be. And I have not been handling it well.
So, that's what has been going on with my life. Feel free to ask questions. I'm hoping to post more consistently in the coming weeks. Also, expect a significant thesis post very soon.
Nat
There are so many things I could say, since so much has happened, but then it starts feeling overwhelming, and this blog really isn't a catalog of my activities. Right now, I am torn between two lives it feels. On the one hand, I'm an awesome grad student. I am studying things I love, in depth. I get to meet super cool and important people. I get to do legitimate research of my own. I'm living in a great house with awesome people. So, great graduate life.
On the other hand, I am getting married. I get to commit myself to spend the rest of my life with my absolute best friend. I also have to plan our wedding, and think about our living situation, and figure out what it means to be husband and wife.
This was so much easier last semester.
As much as I loved spending two months at home, it almost emphasized how I have two different lives going right now, and it can be really challenging. I didn't realize until I got back to good old Indiana just how stressful - emotionally - this would be. And I have not been handling it well.
So, that's what has been going on with my life. Feel free to ask questions. I'm hoping to post more consistently in the coming weeks. Also, expect a significant thesis post very soon.
Nat
Thursday, January 10, 2013
news. finally.
Well, it's been a long time coming, but I am finally able to post about my engagement. So, I am engaged, and have been since July. Michael and I wanted to tell people via phone or in person, and then by the time we felt ready to make it 'facebook official,' we figured we may as well wait for some good photos to prove it. So, if you're curious, there are lots of pictures on facebook of us looking adorable and in love.
Right now, however, I would much rather discuss the academic/professional side of my life. Today was the fourth day of my internship in Everett, WA at Trinity Lutheran College. I didn't know colleges this small existed, but they sure do. Trinity is located in four buildings: an old department store, a parking garage, and two rented apartment buildings. Small. All in all I believe there are about 200 students, give or take a few. While this school is small, and also probably because this school is small, I have been given a chance to do some serious learning. I have spent the last four days revamping the Residence Life and Housing section of the Student Handbook. In some ways, I have been able to 'write' policy. I mean, everything gets approved by the Director of Residence Life and the Dean of Students, but I have been given freedom to rearrange, edit, revise, and add to the manual. Talk about getting in on the ground floor of some serious policy making.
UPDATE: I fail at finishing these posts...whew. Anyway, a few more thoughts, then this is absolutely getting posted. :)
I had a serious breakthrough with my thesis tonight. Felt like the things I was researching finally clicked, and it makes sense now. I was even able to make a *VERY* rough outline of my lit review! Which is a huge relief. I've been feeling like I'm going in circles, but I broke through, and now it's just a wavy line! Before this program, I never seriously thought of myself as a thesis person. I mean, my life plan was certainly to get a PhD, and I knew the thesis would be hard work, but I didn't really have to think about what that would look like. Even when I came to Taylor, I don't think I fully realized that a thesis was a part of the program. I definitely didn't know that when I first applied. But the more I research and learn, the more I realize I am totally a thesis person. I am a Learner, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to shake that. I just love diving into a project, and learning all about it, and the regurgitating all that information in a way that is comprehensible to more than just myself.
Not to say I'm all set on getting a PhD. But now, I think it is something I could consider knowing that, if I was to find something I am truly passionate about, I could do it. Not quite sure I want to do it, but it's now a possibility, whereas before it was completely out the window.
This is a good January. A chance to rest and learn and figure out what it means to be a Student Development Professional. I love it.
nat
Right now, however, I would much rather discuss the academic/professional side of my life. Today was the fourth day of my internship in Everett, WA at Trinity Lutheran College. I didn't know colleges this small existed, but they sure do. Trinity is located in four buildings: an old department store, a parking garage, and two rented apartment buildings. Small. All in all I believe there are about 200 students, give or take a few. While this school is small, and also probably because this school is small, I have been given a chance to do some serious learning. I have spent the last four days revamping the Residence Life and Housing section of the Student Handbook. In some ways, I have been able to 'write' policy. I mean, everything gets approved by the Director of Residence Life and the Dean of Students, but I have been given freedom to rearrange, edit, revise, and add to the manual. Talk about getting in on the ground floor of some serious policy making.
UPDATE: I fail at finishing these posts...whew. Anyway, a few more thoughts, then this is absolutely getting posted. :)
I had a serious breakthrough with my thesis tonight. Felt like the things I was researching finally clicked, and it makes sense now. I was even able to make a *VERY* rough outline of my lit review! Which is a huge relief. I've been feeling like I'm going in circles, but I broke through, and now it's just a wavy line! Before this program, I never seriously thought of myself as a thesis person. I mean, my life plan was certainly to get a PhD, and I knew the thesis would be hard work, but I didn't really have to think about what that would look like. Even when I came to Taylor, I don't think I fully realized that a thesis was a part of the program. I definitely didn't know that when I first applied. But the more I research and learn, the more I realize I am totally a thesis person. I am a Learner, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to shake that. I just love diving into a project, and learning all about it, and the regurgitating all that information in a way that is comprehensible to more than just myself.
Not to say I'm all set on getting a PhD. But now, I think it is something I could consider knowing that, if I was to find something I am truly passionate about, I could do it. Not quite sure I want to do it, but it's now a possibility, whereas before it was completely out the window.
This is a good January. A chance to rest and learn and figure out what it means to be a Student Development Professional. I love it.
nat
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Comfort Zones
This last week I had to write a "personal model of student development," explaining what I believed was a model of development for students in college. After agonizing for close on a month about what exactly I thought about development, I started thinking back on my own college experience and what 'forced' my development the most. One thing I have learned that I believe is true in so many cases is the value in stepping outside comfort zones.
I pride myself on being someone who looks for challenges. I do not like being comfortable (in some ways). I don't know if this is because I think I am a better person because life isn't easy, or if it's because I simply want a challenge in life. Regardless, I have learned that it's much better not to fight when God pushes you in a new direction.
For example, I am currently getting my Master's in Higher Education. In Upland. Indiana. A town smaller than the size of the university it hosts. A small part of me thinks this was the easier route, because I am far away from everything familiar, and don't have to battle for my family, or balance friends, or visit home. But then I really stop to think about where I am and what I'm doing. Not everyone would call making the step out here easy. I'm not by any means trying to toot my own horn here. What I find fascinating is what different people call easy. Sometimes I think that it would be harder for me to stay home. Because staying home would be a sacrifice. Staying home would mean putting my plans on hold. Staying home would mean I don't get to have a grand adventure. And that is really really hard. It's easier to be selfish, and serve myself.
My personal model of student development states that students grow best when they are faced with new knowledge, with something, anything, outside their comfort zone, and they integrate that into their lives. But I wonder if the reverse would be true. If a part of growth is learning how to be content inside a comfort zone. How to live life without a new challenge every day. Hmm. We'll see.
I pride myself on being someone who looks for challenges. I do not like being comfortable (in some ways). I don't know if this is because I think I am a better person because life isn't easy, or if it's because I simply want a challenge in life. Regardless, I have learned that it's much better not to fight when God pushes you in a new direction.
For example, I am currently getting my Master's in Higher Education. In Upland. Indiana. A town smaller than the size of the university it hosts. A small part of me thinks this was the easier route, because I am far away from everything familiar, and don't have to battle for my family, or balance friends, or visit home. But then I really stop to think about where I am and what I'm doing. Not everyone would call making the step out here easy. I'm not by any means trying to toot my own horn here. What I find fascinating is what different people call easy. Sometimes I think that it would be harder for me to stay home. Because staying home would be a sacrifice. Staying home would mean putting my plans on hold. Staying home would mean I don't get to have a grand adventure. And that is really really hard. It's easier to be selfish, and serve myself.
My personal model of student development states that students grow best when they are faced with new knowledge, with something, anything, outside their comfort zone, and they integrate that into their lives. But I wonder if the reverse would be true. If a part of growth is learning how to be content inside a comfort zone. How to live life without a new challenge every day. Hmm. We'll see.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Long time coming...
I flew home this weekend. I would describe myself as a practically spontaneous person. If being spontaneous means randomly joining someone's plans, or going to a park because I can, or running out to get a polar pop just because, I'm in. But when it comes to flying most of the way across the country for a weekend, not usually my jam, unless it's planned 3 months in advance and I have at least one day already off.
That said, to buy a ticket less than a week before take off, and fly home right before all hell breaks loose with grad school, isn't something I would normally do. I am so glad I did. I miss home, and my family, and my man, and Washington, and good coffee, and the west coast. It was so refreshing to be able to just rest in the familiar for a few days. Be around people I love and not worry about when my next assignment is due or how I am engaging with my community.
Now, I am back. I pretty much hit the ground running and went non stop this last week. Even now I should be writing the outline of chapter 1 of my thesis, and creating a student development theory matrix, and reading a lot. Instead, I felt like writing a bit. Not exactly procrastination, because I am truly motivated to do this work. Just introspection.
I love so much what I am doing here. Everything I learn is interesting and feels so relevant to what I want to be doing. Yet for the first time in my life I find myself anticipating the end of school. I'm not burnt out, I really feel like I can do this for a long while yet. I am just realizing that, in less than two years, I will be done with school and working in a field I love, living life and serving people. It's so close and so possible. And I love the idea of that.
Rambling a little here, but I have some exciting news! I will be working in Everette, WA over the month of January. As part of my program, I have to spend 60 hours working at a second internship. We don't have classes over January, so I figured I may as well just try and stay in the area (home) a little longer. I will be working at a very small college on their Resident Assistant and Residence Life Manuals. It's a really great opportunity for some Res Life experience, plus I get to be near friends and family for an extra month! Also, for you Bellingham peeps, I will definitely be up in the area at least once if not twice between Christmas and January.
Alright, I will talk more about my thesis and some of the projects I'm working on later this week. For now, back to the grindstone!
nat
That said, to buy a ticket less than a week before take off, and fly home right before all hell breaks loose with grad school, isn't something I would normally do. I am so glad I did. I miss home, and my family, and my man, and Washington, and good coffee, and the west coast. It was so refreshing to be able to just rest in the familiar for a few days. Be around people I love and not worry about when my next assignment is due or how I am engaging with my community.
Now, I am back. I pretty much hit the ground running and went non stop this last week. Even now I should be writing the outline of chapter 1 of my thesis, and creating a student development theory matrix, and reading a lot. Instead, I felt like writing a bit. Not exactly procrastination, because I am truly motivated to do this work. Just introspection.
I love so much what I am doing here. Everything I learn is interesting and feels so relevant to what I want to be doing. Yet for the first time in my life I find myself anticipating the end of school. I'm not burnt out, I really feel like I can do this for a long while yet. I am just realizing that, in less than two years, I will be done with school and working in a field I love, living life and serving people. It's so close and so possible. And I love the idea of that.
Rambling a little here, but I have some exciting news! I will be working in Everette, WA over the month of January. As part of my program, I have to spend 60 hours working at a second internship. We don't have classes over January, so I figured I may as well just try and stay in the area (home) a little longer. I will be working at a very small college on their Resident Assistant and Residence Life Manuals. It's a really great opportunity for some Res Life experience, plus I get to be near friends and family for an extra month! Also, for you Bellingham peeps, I will definitely be up in the area at least once if not twice between Christmas and January.
Alright, I will talk more about my thesis and some of the projects I'm working on later this week. For now, back to the grindstone!
nat
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Need in relationship
It can be so difficult to take the things we learn to heart. More often than not it's easier to consider a lesson learned and move forward. Regardless of whether that forward movement is actually taking us anywhere. I keep thinking that I am settled in my identity. That I know exactly who I am and where I find value. Then I come to find out that my 'solid' identity is incredibly fluid. And sometimes that fluid moves backward, not forward. So two years ago I felt fully established. I knew who I was. I knew what I wanted to do (mostly). I knew the kind of person I wanted to be. I knew where my worth was found.
Yet here I am once again searching for worth in others. Needing love from people who can not love me the way I so deeply desire. Drowning in my inability to understand why I can't just be accepted. Why I can't just fit. And I remember all the times in my life when I haven't fit, and when that hurt me so deeply. Then I start pitying myself, and wishing that life was easier. Since when do I wish life was easier? Seriously. If I wanted an easier life I would have stayed in Washington. I would have finished my MA in English. I would have found a job paying just above minimum wage working in a coffee shop and gotten married. Then I would have had kids, and it would have been great. Well, mostly.
I moved to Indiana. I quite a masters halfway through to start a whole new masters. I left family and friends, and I started all over. My life has been marked by stepping outside my comfort zone, and diving into the difficult. I have never sought out easy. That said, I think I am to some extent lying to myself. In relationships, I have sought easy. It was easy to be friends with people. Easy to be a part of the 'inner circle.' Easy to be included, not excluded. And in that, my relationships have probably not grown to where they could be.
I have been blessed with some incredible friendships I would not change for anything. I just know that here, in this time, I have to remember that my identity is not found in those relationships, or in the friendships I make here. My identity is not found in how many people I mentor, or how well I mentor them. My identity is found in who I am as a daughter of Christ. And it's taken me a really long time to come to terms with that. I am still coming to terms with that. I am definitely not comfortable with it. It's really hard to step away from the continual message that I need to have lots of friends and be included in everything. But I don't. And I am so thankful for this time to learn and explore that.
There is so much freedom in relationship for the sake of giving to someone else. I want my life to be marked not by a need in relationship, but giving.
nat
Yet here I am once again searching for worth in others. Needing love from people who can not love me the way I so deeply desire. Drowning in my inability to understand why I can't just be accepted. Why I can't just fit. And I remember all the times in my life when I haven't fit, and when that hurt me so deeply. Then I start pitying myself, and wishing that life was easier. Since when do I wish life was easier? Seriously. If I wanted an easier life I would have stayed in Washington. I would have finished my MA in English. I would have found a job paying just above minimum wage working in a coffee shop and gotten married. Then I would have had kids, and it would have been great. Well, mostly.
I moved to Indiana. I quite a masters halfway through to start a whole new masters. I left family and friends, and I started all over. My life has been marked by stepping outside my comfort zone, and diving into the difficult. I have never sought out easy. That said, I think I am to some extent lying to myself. In relationships, I have sought easy. It was easy to be friends with people. Easy to be a part of the 'inner circle.' Easy to be included, not excluded. And in that, my relationships have probably not grown to where they could be.
I have been blessed with some incredible friendships I would not change for anything. I just know that here, in this time, I have to remember that my identity is not found in those relationships, or in the friendships I make here. My identity is not found in how many people I mentor, or how well I mentor them. My identity is found in who I am as a daughter of Christ. And it's taken me a really long time to come to terms with that. I am still coming to terms with that. I am definitely not comfortable with it. It's really hard to step away from the continual message that I need to have lots of friends and be included in everything. But I don't. And I am so thankful for this time to learn and explore that.
There is so much freedom in relationship for the sake of giving to someone else. I want my life to be marked not by a need in relationship, but giving.
nat
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